Spiritual Quest, Step 1

Okay, I've watched the 1989 Tim Burton Batman now: I've been a bit busy with school and driven down with an after-Assembly flu so my watching speed's kind of low. Anyway... First impressions on a movie that I remembered from my childhood. (I made notes, so I'm mostly going to summarize or just copy/paste those here)

Okay, Tim Burton is a visionary, but honestly, the man has one vision and one vision only. This is his ground zero, and having seen a lot of Burton films, they all use the same style of imagery and the same points of view, tricks and gimmicks. The man seems a bit of a one trick pony. And he has a thing about mirrors.

Okay, the beginning where it's the Waynes except it isn't is kind of cunning, but in retrospect it kind of sets the tone for the movie: most of the stuff there doesn't make sense unless you already know all of it from the comics. Tim Burton isn't big on the comics, but his film sure leans on them heavily.

What's up with this movie anyway? What's the driving point? We've got Batman, and some criminals, and some cops, and none of them really get along, but why, what's everyone's driving force, what's going on here? Was exposition just something they didn't do in the 80's? Atleast every evil guy is so blatantly evil that everyone knows it, every opportunistic guy is so evidently... well, you get the gist.

Michael Gough as Alfred rocks. Actually, all the Alfreds throughout the Batman movies have been awesome, why is that? Anyway, love.

I'm an hour into the movie and it still hasn't told me why it exists. No one seems to have a real motivation (except maybe Knox and Vale, who seem to want a pulitzer price). Okay, so I know what Batman's motivation is but it's not because the movie tells it to me. There's no character depth in Batman/Wayne, he's like a cardboard cutout if you haven't read the comics. It's kind of hard to care about why anyone's doing anything in this movie, especially when the movie seems to be bent on not telling you anyway.

Nicholson is good at doing crazy, and makes a rather good Joker. Too bad he started the typecasting of big names as bad guys that didn't really do the 90's action movie genre any favors. Speaking of crazy and Joker, I get that he's crazy, but the movie totally forgets to mention why. You could argue it's because his psyche gets fractured along with his body, but in the flashbacks he's clearly crazy already back then. The movie doesn't explain anything! And while I understand that he's crazy, why is he crazy in all the ways imaginable, and why does his way of being crazy change every three minutes or so? Is consistency just too mainstream for this movie? The movie hints at the richer, more complex backstory but doesn't go anywhere near it before the halfway point of the movie.

Hah, so Batman can ask a girl how much she weights. The girl will still lie, given, but hah. The insinuated batrape after Batman saves Vale from the Joker is kind of creepy. Why is that part there? Is this an adult or a kid movie? Love the early 90's aesthetic of the Joker, his jokes and his crew.

(At this part I'm getting to the ending quarter of the movie and let's just say the nostalgia's worn off. Be prepared for a rant.)

Ah, here it is. The Joker killed Wayne's folks. Surprise! Why is this the plot twist? Was this actually the only motivation they could come up with to give a reason for Batman to do what he's doing? Wouldn't Batman be motivated to beat him otherwise?

Is the combat a joke on purpose or not? Is this a kid's movie, an adult's movie or something in between? Is this a comedy or not?

Apparently, nobody remembered to tell people that Joker's a stone-cold crazy-ass killer, because everyone loves him. Or then everyone wants money more than they want to live. Then again, if Knox is the best Gotham has to offer on the news front, it's not a surprise no one's heard the Joker's crazy. But why isn't the Gotham's Finest there, they should know he's in the "mass murderer" ballpark? Oh, yeah, but that would spoil the exposition and ensuing boss fight.

Why isn't anyone listening to what the Joker says? Why is Knox's car airproof? Why is this whole movie one huge plot hole? Why does the Batwing have scissors in the front? Why is everyone still there grabbing the money, when the Joker is clearly out to kill people? Even more importantly, why is everyone running away the moment someone fires a gun? Didn't anyone notice the killer gas? I think my brain is actively trying to kill itself because I'm watching something this stupid.

The Batman doesn't kill anybody, but he shoots missiles and machine guns at the Joker and his crew? Ok, the Joker's pistol is a joke (durr hurr hurr) but honestly, is this trying to be a kid's movie or an adult's movie? It's kind of hard to tell. Batman wears bulletproof body armor, his car has electrified armor to protect it from being robbed, and his aeroplane can't take one hit from a pistol? Okay, so it's the Joker's Not-At-All-Making-A-Compensating-Joke-Here pistol, but still.

Why does the Gotham church have a) 20-ish floors to halfway up the belltower or b) a crooked depth perception field? Why are the police there now? No wonder Gotham is the crime central of the world, since the police around there aren't worth the cheesy leather uniforms they're wearing. Okay, so the church is built straight upwards, okay. Works for the imagery, I guess. Why's there a Joker ninja up there again? Did he just happen to be passing by on the 40th floor of the church? Okay, there's a whole bunch of those guys, what the...

I get the damsel in distress imagery, but Vale is seriously the most useless lady lead ever. So Tim Burton's Batman has no qualms with killing people, okay. That kind of takes one of the biggest character points he ever had out of the picture. Ah, the most classic ever "hit on the bad guy so he doesn't notice the good guy" scheme. I guess the cliche was only in the making back then?

Punch Joker through a wall, pull him back, punch him through another one... The Joker, world's best rooftop ninja. Batman, the world's most gullible detective. The Joker has helicopters, Gotham's Finest don't? Batman actually goes after the Joker with murderous intent. That's all kinds of crooked. And there the man goes, all the 40-something floors down. And the only time the Bat-toys almost fail is at the end, because you need, uh... more suspense? Why is commissioner Gordon such a tool? Ah, the Batlight special effect. Do it with style, eh?

So, the first one is over. Not half as much nostalgia in actually watching this as there was in simply remembering it. It was kind of camp, but mostly confusing. It also seems a standalone, with a full love story beginning and rolling through the movie, including the special lady that finds out who Batman is and accepts him even after that. It's hard to take the movie seriously, when I'm getting the constant feeling that it's not really taking itself seriously. I'm feeling a bit convoluted after this one, we'll see how things roll out with the remaining three.