Spiritual Quest, Step 2

So, I watched, surprise surprise, the Batman Returns from 1992. I also did some thinking on the Batman (see Step One) and figured I'd treat it as a children's movie, because:

#1. It was probably meant that way, since it's based on a comic, and comics back then were a thing for kids.

#2: It's made by the Warner Bros, backed with a toy line and all, which kind of makes it feel like it was indeed meant for kids.

#3: it makes at least some sense that way, and isn't as insulting to the watcher.

However, after watching the second Batman with this in mind, what the hats is going on? Clearly, the second Batman is more Burton than the first, the imagery being just a lot more him. But seriously, this is some really, really scary shit for a kid's movie. The Penguin is creepy even for a grown-up! It kind of tells you something that WB had a huge backlash about this movie being too dark and gloomy for kids: they even used the comic book model of the Penguin for their promotion toy line instead of the movie model, because yeesh. The black bile spewing, rot-toothed monster  that looks a tad like he's dead is scary.



Actually, as my room mate pointed out, the movie isn't so much meant to be for kids or adults as it is meant to be for Tim Burton. The whole movie is a two-hour long imagery self-wank with way too many thinly sketched plots and subplots, all (still) missing any real motivation. There's a lot of stuff in there that's just plain stupid, and most of the stuff that is not is kind of sad... It looks nice, the Burton version of Gotham is cool. But that's about the merits of it. Here are a few more specified issues I had with it.

What happened to Miss Vale, practically the driving force behind the first movie? Are we just supposed ignore all that happened in the first movie, unless it was the putting up of the Batlight. (Actually, there's a conversation between Bruce and Selina when he's trying to hit on her that tells us it didn't work... O-kay, so this is typical in movies. It just kind of undermines even the little character development and depth that they managed to pump into Batman in the first movie. Now he's just a douche who gapes at all the ladies and likes to beat up bad guys. Seriously, this is the character depth the Burton movies manage on the world's greatest detective.)

Oh, and on the subject of the Batlight, I guess no one will ever think that the Batman might be the guy with the wall-mounted version outside his goddamn study. I get that it makes better imagery, but they actually show the bloody lamp on the Wayne manor wall.

I get that Selina's supposed to be the sultry, irresistable sex piece, but she really isn't, so why is everyone treating her like she is? Was just so out on the whole sexuality thing back in the nineties that I didn't notice it was like this all the time, or does this feel stupid to someone else too? And why's the Catwoman's only method of moving distances backflipping? Are they actually making Selina a complex character, with a split persona or something?

Who retardized Selina Kyle? She's one of the biggest independent women characters in the comics ever and this version is just... sad. I kind of get that they're making a bipolarisation between Selina Kyle, the bland, grey secretary and Catwoman, the crazy-ass alter ego, but it doesn't really work. Also, the zombified Kyle is again one of those things that will cause nightmares to little kids. (Then there's the Penguin devouring the raw fish and biting a guy's nose off, but that's a whole different story there.) Selina actually has the most character development out of everybody in the movie, but it's not very consistent. They are actually developing her in two different directions (Catwoman and Selina Kyle) but seem to forget that somewhere down the road and end up with a combi mashup that doesn't really work for either character on the ending half of the movie.


Overall, Batman Returns feels like something Tim Burton did for Tim Burton and as a movie it isn't very good. The pacing isn't so much building suspense since there are no surprises in the movie, and so they've tried to patch that with a pacing between scary and gruesome and comical and stupid. This really doesn't work, it just makes the movie even more jarringly odd. Oh yea, and a police car pileup.

I'll give the movie one major thumbs up, though: Christopher Walken does a very, very good bad guy and the silver hair suits him fine indeed. The man is a genius indeed. As for the movie, the Penguin's plot is something to make kids not want to let parents leave home without them, ever. And all of a sudden, he has an army of attack penguins? It's a good thing Batman can counter all that with his BatSewerSled. (I admit, I laughed at the V2 penguin mobs.) And the penguin wake is a nice touch.

Overall, too convoluted for it's own - or anything or -one elses - good. I totally see how this would have coused a humongous public backlash. Later, we'll see how I fare with Joel Schumacher's brainchildren.